…next! :::

I am, and have always been, rubbish at auditions.

Give me an arena filled with thousands of screaming fans, a high pressured recording situation, a TV show beaming images out to millions of people worldwide, a documentary crew following me around or a live jam of a brand new song in front of an expectant audience and I’ll be focused, confident and as witty as necessary. Put me in a room with three people putting together a band for a big international pop star and I’ll crumble in front of your very eyes. Today this happened.

It’s not the meeting and greeting part that throws me. I’m always happy to shake hands and have a chat with an accomplished artist and am rarely freaked out by the fame thing. Today we had a very pleasant opening conversation, admired each others’ tattoos…I even made a couple of jokes which were met with pleasant laughter. Three sets of eyes turned to me expectantly, impressed by my CV [Note: the four high profile session jobs I’ve had so far I got through either having a meeting with the artist or just being hired to do the job based on a recommendation] and keen to see what I had to offer them.

Borrowed bass plugged in (mine’s in a lockup waiting to go to the next European show of my current tour later this week), microphone adjusted (yes, backing vocals again, hurrah!), monitor levels set….and freeze. The complex backing vocal parts I drilled in to my flu-addled brain yesterday floated off on the breeze while my fingers flapped around like bits of old chewing gum, saggy and useless. The moment a vocal section sounded vaguely good the bassline broke down completely and vice versa. I considered stopping playing just to sing but feared that wouldn’t work either. This was a very bad audition.

I peered, embarassed, at the star turn and her team, to be met with a row of surprised and frankly unimpressed faces. She stopped the song, kindly making some comment about it being “way too long” rather than my playing being “way too horrendous”, and started up the next. Nothing improved and with a brisk handshake and a “Thanks for coming” I was soon out of the room. I grabbed a moment to make wry apologies to the musical director, who was also very kind and commiserated with me on my ill health and borrowed instrument (“It’s like singing with someone else’s vocal cords isn’t it” – “Yes, just like I was today!”) while propelling me towards the exit.

Guitar and leads packed up and coat wrapped around my chilled bones I scurried off to get the bus home, indulging myself in a self pitying sniffle or three as I considered the horror of what had just happened and the impression I must have made on these people. These powerful, top class music industry people. Would I ever work again?

Once home, a cup of tea and some perspective cheered me up. I know how I performed today was not me – it was caused by my having caught a cold in Russia last week and still being mentally exhausted from a summer of intense touring. Not having my own guitar didn’t help, but the chewing gum fingers were all down to my body and brain begging for rest. When my voice starts to go I feel unsure of myself, regardless of whether I happen to have an audition or not. It’s such an integral part of who I am and what I do and what I want to do that I freak out when it’s not there for me when I need it. We all have bad days – unfortunately mine was in front of three music industry professionals.

I think it’s a shame I didn’t show my best side today, but perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be. I have big plans for the rest of this year, and though I’ll always jump at the chance to play for talented people who I respect, I have a lot to be getting on with.

And hey, there’s always the next audition to look forward to.

Posted by warriorgrrl